Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Day 1 & 2 ...

Energy, energy, energy .... I am so loving this & I am only on day 2! This time I am mentally there & ready to go even farther. Had a great interval training session today. Oh man almost hurled twice & yes I loved it!!! I was staring at the track the whole time on the elliptical. I remember running my sprints & I really wanted to go there too! I really, really, really, wanted to but held myself back. I am in no "condition" to start that yet. Key word condition ... I am waiting until I have at least 4 weeks of conditioning under my belt before I hit the sprints. I will start early morning bleachers & suicides & plyo's in about 4 weeks. Wohooo I am so excited about these. I know I am going to feel like a tank at first, but I will be back to my stealth self again. I am so excited!!!

I am feeling great can you tell? During my hellish cardio session I had a realization. I am certainly a bit smarter about my training this go around. I went through 2 years of doing my own thing, to having the help of a trainer, to reading & trying out training programs. So much that it made my head explode. I wouldn't trade any of it though because I am a much smarter person now. I am not going to go absolutely nuts & kill myself until my body is physically ready to go there. The important thing is to listen to my body & to be very kind to myself mentally too. So thats what I thought about whilst killing myself on the elliptical. I am a multi tasker what can I say. I actually have some really great thoughts while doing cardio. Hahaha!

Diet is going great!


Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Happiest I Ever Was ....

Lately, I have been doing a lot of reflection on my past & when I was the happiest? I am pretty sure it is because I have been feeling not very happy lately. The old "T" would have been diving into bad habits to try & self medicate into happiness. Which we all know is "NOT" happiness! But, thank God for family & a child! You can't do that!!!! So, for once in my life I am being smart about it. I have been talking to my dear friend Nikki, with whom I've been estranged from over the past couple of years, & its been great! Enlightening actually. I have really missed our friendship, true friendship. I have been very lonely over the past couple of years since we stopped hanging out. Yea, I would go out with other friends & stuff, but it's not the same. Nikki & I know so much about each other. We don't judge each other, but we are good enough friends to call each other out when one is behaving badly. The best part is we don't get offended when one calls the one out. We take a step back & say hey your right thanks for putting me in check. We did healthy things together i.e working out, going to Town Lake, just hanging out. We would go out & party every now & then which always led to some interesting laughs the next day. Nothing to out of control though. That leads me to when we were close friends we never did get "out of control" in bad ways .... we were out of control when it came to dieting & working out ... and really is that such a bad thing???? Addicted to being healthy??? Seriously! I know it drove my husband crazy, but I think everything I do drives my husband crazy. I can't win in that department. Thats a whole other can of worms.

Which leads me too, Nik & I have been talking a lot more over the past few months. She has actually been like a therapist & much cheaper *lol*. Actually, I have 2 therapist ... another friend whom I speak to everyday a few times a day. She is also one of my very close friends whom I could not live without. Unfortunately, she lives far away & we are lucky to meet for a quick lunch once a week. Something I always look forward too. Ok back to Nikki ... I have had coffee & have not written in a long time so this might just be a little bit scattered brained ramblings, so please forgive me. If anyone really reads this thing at all?? Well, since Nik & I have been talking, I have gone through a few episodes of depression since quitting my job teaching riding. I have gained about 10 lbs. & no matter what every Monday I would try to start some fitness plan & healthy eating & I kept falling on my face. Nik said I really needed to dissect what in the hell is really the root of all of this behavior. Oh wise one ... I just thought it was laziness, or lack of discipline. Nope thats not what is holding me back. Here is the stuff I came up with.

* Lonely
* Unhappy w/
- My body
- My brain
- Not good enough
-Feelings of Failure

* Unworthiness

There is a whole slew of other things. I really don't feel like getting into them. Like letting others dictate the way I feel about myself etc... Seriously after dissecting all of this .. I was like where in the heck is the OLD T??????? The one who did not give a f*%$ about what most people thought & would tell them so? Where was the "T" that would easily stand up for herself if being treated badly by someone? Where was the "T" that laughed & smiled A LOT? Where was that crazy, goofy, confident person???? I don't know where she went but, I plan on finding her again.

Now that we got that out of the bag I feel so much better! So moving in a more positive direction. I am going to take control of my life & do things that make me feel good about myself & who I am. I am going to surround myself with people who lift me up & not push me down. I am also going to make a commitment to myself in my fitness to get back to the person I used to be & even better. I have already started to make positive choices in my food choices. Also, conditioning myself to not be an emotional eater. This is the hardest. I feel unworthy so I eat .. in the end it makes me feel even worse. I feel shitty so I eat ... I feel lonely I turn to my friend the pantry. See when I was younger I would solve this by doing very unhealthy things to stay thin. Days without eating ... then eating. Oh there are so many other things I did to punish myself. I don't even want to go there.

So I am starting ... again ... on Monday ... a 12 week program to better my body & self. I was going to enter a contest, but I think it's best for me to do this completely for myself & myself only. I have done so many contests & because I am a competitive person I would base all of my success on how I did in the contest. And we all know how subjective something as transforming your body is! So I was always let down in the end & unhappy with my success if I did not even place or gain recognition in the contests. So this is my own personal challenge with myself.

I will be blogging & I won't be holding back. I will blog every emotional up & down ... every cheat ... every feeling .. all of it.

Till next time ...


Saturday, February 14, 2009

I feel like crap!

So it's V-Day. Spent the day with the husband. It was awesome!!! He even went to the barn with me which was a nice surprise. So we go out & eat. I swear 1 week of eating well & my body cannot handle ... uhm .... I guess what is called normal food. I went from feeling all wohoo this morning to blehhhh this evening. BOO! I feel sick .. sick .. sick!!!! Hence this is why I am up @ whatever time it is blogging! Yipee ... life of a rock star no really! We drank a few glasses of wine. I am pretty sure my limit is 2 now ha! Husband saved me from myself when I wanted to open a bottle of champagne that has been in the fridge since New Years ... THANK YOU dear husband!

I don't know if I can do another 1/2 day of eating whatever blehh. I already missed my workout for today which sucks, but I am dealing. Not going to spin out of control because it's not perfect. I have 3 more weeks of this diet I am excited to see what 3 more weeks brings but, one week at a time I know! I can't believe I lost 7 lbs this week! Feel like I put on 5 this evening doh! I am def. going to the gym to do little something tomorrow! I just can't NOT do anything after eating that dinner. Grrr.... I feel like poo & am going to try & sleep now.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Hello! Cupcake!

Oh man! Making cupcakes last night was a little bit of torture. Ok maybe a lot of torture! Even for my husband it was torturous he's doing BFL right now. It' so nice to have him on the same paying field now! Muhahahahaha! Even back in the day he was very supportive in the sense that he would not eat bad things right in front of my face. He would even warn me & I would go into the computer room & chat or blog to distract from it. The only thing he was not supportive of was the me wanting to compete. Grrrr... maybe he will come around some day??? Well, I survived the damned cupcakes. I even survived watching everyone eat them. Telling me how great they were. I was like thats good because I was testing out a new recipe haha & I had no earthly idea how they came out. Yes I was that good! Not even as much as one lick ..... accidently by habit I had the tiniest bit of frosting on my finger and I did lick. When I mean tiniest bit, I mean it was tiny! I don't count that!!! It made me realize that I had to be extra cautious because I could accidently start licking the bowl and the beaters, and the counters, you get the idea. Seriously though, it was nothing a dot worth. Ok .... so after watching everyone gobble up cupcakes. I came home a treated myself to a shot of


Yea not quite as good as a cupcake. Not even in the same realm as a cupcake! I swear this crap is going to be the death of me!!!! Bleh, bleh, bleh! I am surprised about the diet. I am not having near as much trouble as I thought I would with it. I have certain times of the day where I get crabby or a loss for words. It usually only happens once or right before meal time. So I have to eat when it's time to eat! Otherwise I feel fine right now. Not really nutso cravings. The V-Day candy was so tempting ... but I conquered by distraction. The ol' computer :-P Uploaded a bunch of photo's to FB. Hey it kept me busy!

Speaking of I need to start being a bit more active. Since the pony can't be ridden for 2 weeks (now only 1) I have been a little under active. I need to be out & about or cleaning etc. Also, I need to get some sleep. I have been having trouble sleeping for the past month. I wake up at 3 am every night or 3:15. WTF??? Quite annoying. I think this is the reason I am so pokey during the day. I tried to get some extra sleep this morning, but 5 yr. old getting ready for school, not so much! I heard about a supplement called "Lean Dreams" by Venom.

Thinking of trying it out, because seriously this can't go on much longer! If anyone has tried it I WOULD LOVE to hear your opinion on it before I shell out the $$$ for it. Or know of anyone who has used it.

So ok waiting for husband to come home so I can got to the gym. Where is he grrrrrr ... I don't want to workout to late. But I will if I have too! At least it will be nice and quiet there. I absolutely loved doing the cross training in front of the dumbbell rack while all the guys are doing bench press & etc.... during the prime time. Ughhhh especially those jumpy squat things. It was a real show let me tell ya! Well gonna go get in my workout clothes & prep my surge so I am ready to G-O ... when he gets here.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Day 3:

So I have been doing the Chad Waterbury "Figure Training" program with the diet. I am on day 3 & it's rest day. YEA!!!!! The workouts have been awesome. Short & sweet, but challenging! I thought oh gee 10 min of Interval cardio training on the bike. UHM yea by min 5, pouring down in sweat & going holy crap! Those min & seconds got slower and sl-ooooo-www-eeee-rrrr. Gotta love it though only 10 min though!

Diet has been going great! I sure am glad I bought "Muscle Revolution" by CW a year or so ago. The article where I got the workout from had the diet with it yadda, yadda, but a lot of unanswered questions. When I have unanswered questions thats when things can get a little whacky for me. I found out today that I can have ONE & only ONE cheat day YIPPPPPEEEEEE! I also found out I can only do this style of dieting for 4 weeks & only twice a year with 3 month's in between. Kinda like ok awesome because it is a bit strict. What I love about it is I can eat FRUIT! Wohoo! But no brown rice, no yams, no nothing carb form from anything but fruit & veggies. I get to drink fish oil ... mmmm ... some tasty shit ... NOT! I now just do it like a tequila shooter with a lemon on hand. The oily texture is more than one can handle. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I will be back in fighting shape again! :-P

Monday, December 15, 2008

Hard Times Ahead!

Where do I start? As mentioned in my previous post I have quit teaching. I am happy about it, but there are several factors that are not cool. Like:

1) I do not get a paycheck.

2) Adjust back into a life without working.

Many people would probably laugh about the not working part. It is a hard transition though. How to become a housewife again? I have to admit teaching made me happy. It gave me ways to learn & grow, but the situation over all developed into a bad one. It's just the transition that is killing me right now. Does not help that the weather just plain SUCKS right now. So I have not ridden a horse in 3 days. I am enjoying the break from the barn, but man it is hard to be away. I guess this falls into the saying damned if you do & damned if you don't. I know I am feeling depressed about the recent changes. Handling change is not one of my best suits. Feeling depression creep up is not fun. It's like a tornado headed straight for you & nothing you can do but wait until it passes & pick up the pieces. Ughhhh ....

My fears:

That I will become a lonely hermit again glued to the computer endlessly. Addicted to working out & exercise (ok this is not a bad thing but obsessed could be a bad thing.) I was NEVER happy with any of my success in the past because it was so damned consuming. I was crazy obsessed & that is what scares the life out of me. I am going to listen to my friend and just not think about it & just do it. Just follow her & do it.

I am in full on freak out mode right now. Super frustrated, super aggravated, super bitch ... probably what my poor husband is thinking. God help me through these tough times!!!! This is just not fun right now.

Making Christmas Mice for my sons class tomorrow is proving to be a harder ordeal than expected. F-ing mice! My mom makes this crap look so easy to do! I am trying my best & everything seems like a failure right now. Please let me make it through the holidays. At least without having a nervous breakdown. PLEASE!!!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A New Beginning, A New Horizon, A geez just get on with it ...

So, I am getting ready to be serious this time. Ahhhh yes I know how many times have we heard this in the past 2 years???? Ok no excuses just explanations though. My job consumed my life! I would try to work out and be healthy, but teaching riding lessons just got in the way. The schedule, no matter how hard I tried, was NEVER consistent. Well, to make a long story short ... I don't teach anymore. As much as I loved it, it drove me crazy. Not to mention I want my Amateur status back. I don't want to compete as a Pro! We are talking horses here LOL.

So after the Holidays, during the month of January I will return. This is when gym see's their all time record attendance & yes I will contribute to this record. I am really going to play around with what I want (goals) during these last few weeks of December. I think it is going to be important. Going to the gym tomorrow with my old workout partner Nik. So it will be a fun & sobering conversation tomorrow.

Well, I just returned from the horse show in Waco. It was a lot of fun with the 6yr. old baby i was riding. We did well. Here is a photo and let me see if I can post the video?

NOTE: You have to hit play then pause to let it download completely.

Teresa from Scott Branum on Vimeo.