Monday, December 15, 2008

Hard Times Ahead!

Where do I start? As mentioned in my previous post I have quit teaching. I am happy about it, but there are several factors that are not cool. Like:

1) I do not get a paycheck.

2) Adjust back into a life without working.

Many people would probably laugh about the not working part. It is a hard transition though. How to become a housewife again? I have to admit teaching made me happy. It gave me ways to learn & grow, but the situation over all developed into a bad one. It's just the transition that is killing me right now. Does not help that the weather just plain SUCKS right now. So I have not ridden a horse in 3 days. I am enjoying the break from the barn, but man it is hard to be away. I guess this falls into the saying damned if you do & damned if you don't. I know I am feeling depressed about the recent changes. Handling change is not one of my best suits. Feeling depression creep up is not fun. It's like a tornado headed straight for you & nothing you can do but wait until it passes & pick up the pieces. Ughhhh ....

My fears:

That I will become a lonely hermit again glued to the computer endlessly. Addicted to working out & exercise (ok this is not a bad thing but obsessed could be a bad thing.) I was NEVER happy with any of my success in the past because it was so damned consuming. I was crazy obsessed & that is what scares the life out of me. I am going to listen to my friend and just not think about it & just do it. Just follow her & do it.

I am in full on freak out mode right now. Super frustrated, super aggravated, super bitch ... probably what my poor husband is thinking. God help me through these tough times!!!! This is just not fun right now.

Making Christmas Mice for my sons class tomorrow is proving to be a harder ordeal than expected. F-ing mice! My mom makes this crap look so easy to do! I am trying my best & everything seems like a failure right now. Please let me make it through the holidays. At least without having a nervous breakdown. PLEASE!!!!!


Tracy said...

SO happy you are blogging. I have missed you!!!!!!!!!!

Your horse jumps so smooth and you are a great rider. :)